Frustration Leads to Prayer

Lord, You know all about the struggles I’ve been going through this week and I don’t want to rehash them.  I believe You are in control and will bring me through in ways that will glorify Your name and help me grow.

I do have a concern though and I know it is a big one, because it keeps popping up.  It has to do with my time management.  I just can’t seem to make it work to get all done I want and it leaves me so frustrated and feeling useless.  I need Your guidance and help.  I want to write and publish.  I want to help others.  I want to be a good wife, mom, and grandma as well as daughter.  I feel so fatigued most of the time and need to walk two miles/daily and take a nap that takes one to two hours.  I need to keep up the home and iron and wash and cook and clean.  Add to that the dental work that needs to be done and I just feel like I’m in the middle of a centrifuge whirling out of control and getting nothing done.

            Watching Artbeat on OPB last night made me hunger for quiet and peace.  One woman walked extensively in the woods to gain the peace she needed to practice her art.  Others had their own studios where they could work unimpeded and uninterrupted.  I am very blessed to have a home office and to be able to work at home, but I just seem to be constantly pulled this way and that and I crave the beauty and peace and quiet of the outdoors.   I am so tired and just feel a huge weight again due to the financial burdens.  I want to help by selling some of my writing but there is so much going on all the time that I have a horrible time quieting myself inside.  I yearn to get my novel out and work on the next.  I yearn to minister to others through my writing, yet can’t seem to settle my brain to make it happen.  The fibromyalgia pain and fatigue, the pain of arthritis and the nerve problem in my hand as well as the dental discomfort keeps me distracted from what I want to do.  Please help me.  Show me what is reasonable to expect from myself.  Sometimes I feel that everyone wants a piece of me and there is never enough to go around.

 I look to You for the answers, Lord.  If it is time management that’s the problem, show me.  If it has to do with the disabilities, then help me to be realistic and do what is most important.  I yield my life to You and ask only that You help me be all You planned for me to be and to give glory to You.  In Jesus’ name, help me bless someone today.  Amen.

Fog

I just returned from a two mile walk in the fog.  It fit my mood.  I felt so much better as I prayed (in spite of the mist) and by the time I returned home, the sun was trying to peak through.  It reminded me of a poem I wrote long ago.      

FOG

A cold, white-gray mantle settles upon everything,

Muffling sounds, distorting vision, often causing it

 to cease altogether.

Quiet, downy-soft...wrapping its gentle white fingers

 about one as a scarf.

Such deep quiet...an eerie, yet, soothing atmosphere.

The light in a house seems cheerier,

The fire warmer,

The sounds of humanity dearer.

Sometimes, a season of fog comes into one's life,

Casting cold, quiet, impersonal feelings within,

Leaving one wandering about a bit befuddled....

Drawing nearer to the familiar, to the warmth.

Feeling isolated, alone, fearful, a bit confused,

In blindness, one sometimes stumbles, falls

 or runs into things.

Then comes the sun, a little breeze,

Clearing away the fog,

Leaving all more dear and causing appreciation for the

 warmth and clear skies.

The fogs are necessary, but never forever.

The fogs come and the fogs go,

And always comes the sun.

Dark moments, moments of torment and confusion come,

 that's inevitable,

But, always comes the sun and sweeps the fog away.

It leaves one stronger and wiser, more loving and

 understanding of others whose lives are now in fog.

At this time, we, the veterans of other foggy times

 can bring some warmth into their lonely lives.

 "From A Cry of Anguish to a Shout of Praise" by Crystal J. Ortmann, 1994

The Sacrifice of Unselfish Living

During my devotions the past few days, I noted a theme of unselfish living . . . how it is so hard and requires giving up our own desires, etc.  Yet, I learned some important truths while thinking about this concept.

• The closer I come to Christ, the less of a sacrifice it is to be unselfish.
• The more I realize that His ways are definitely better than mine and that nothing will satisfy so much as walking in His will, the easier it becomes.
• By daily practicing, walking with Him becomes a habit that brings life and contentment.
• His "rules" are never made to stifle, but to bring true freedom.  When that sinks in, bending the rules is not an option.
• By allowing Him to rule over each day (I didn't say I don't make mistakes or sin unconsciously or even sometimes consciously), I allow His best to become a part of me.
• Confessing my sin and mistakes restores the balance in my life.

God is good.  He wants the best for me and for all of His children.  I want to allow Him into every aspect of my life.

Looking for the Lovely

LOOKING FOR THE LOVELY

By

Cris (Crystal J.) Ortmann

Philippians 4:8(NASB) “Finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things.                                                          

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  There is loveliness just waiting to be discovered today.

Tired and discouraged, I pushed my grocery cart toward the exit.  So much seemed negative in my life.  The news reports detailed one bad event after another.   My pessimistic thoughts depressed me.  Why does it seem so easy to think about the ugly parts of life?

I didn’t expect the lovely sight in the foyer of the store.  A small child sat in the shopping cart seat holding a piece of candy tightly wrapped in cellophane.  A very old woman, immensely patient, helped her take off the wrapper.  She spoke softly to the child, not seeming hurried or annoyed—just tender.

I gazed without shame or embarrassment.  In this world of hectic lives and frenetic activity, this was an oasis of calm and beauty.  I felt revived.  Throughout the evening, my thoughts went back to that scene.

            Violence and ugliness is reality.   Yet, loveliness is too; although it’s quieter and rarely makes the headlines.  I just need to ask God to open my eyes to see the beautiful things in life.

Prayer:  Lord, forgive me for concentrating on the unpleasant.  Your Word instructs me to think about good things.  Please open my eyes to the loveliness all around me, in Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Published by The Secret Place, Winter 2005-2006 in December-February issue.

The Power of Choice

It struck me today, as I thought about various things, that a specific issue bothered me.  In the past it brought depression and neediness.  It consumed my life and made me miserable. With sudden clarity, I saw the result of choice.  I could either dwell on this issue and let it make me unhappy and feeling a weight or I could choose to be honest about it with God, and allow Him to control my thought life and attitude.  The former = miserable day.  The latter = day uncluttered with depressing thoughts and bad attitudes.  The heaviness left me as I chose the latter.

God gives each of us this choice, multiple times every day.  The power to drive our lives as disciples of Christ is determined by the choices we make--letting Him guide and lead us leads to success and fulfilled living.

God bless your day and may it be one filled with God's strength to make right decisions.

He Stills The Storm

                                                                                      

   HE STILLS THE STORM

Dark, brooding clouds

Sweep over boiling seas.

Twisted waves dash themselves

Against massive cliffs.

Salty spray erupts in misty columns,

Before rushing back to join the violent water.

Dark, angry surf dashes this way and that,

Unable to decide which way to go.

Lightning-gashed blackness

Reaches to the turbulent sea.

Churning breakers, buffeted by shrieking wind

Whip themselves into frenzied dance.

The majesty of God is passing by.

Created bows to creator,

As He speaks in hushed utterance,
”Be still.” And it obeys.

©Crystal J. Ortmann, USA

                                             

Photo by CJ Ortmann

When Compassion Conquers Fear

Yesterday, a wonderful thing happened.  It was a God-thing.  Each day, I pray God will use me to bless someone in His name.  He is faithful to hear and to answer.

Someone wrote with a prayer request.  I can do that.  I can pray, I thought.  But, something that had afflicted me for years suddenly rose to the surface when that request touched an area of great agony in my life.  It was one of those things one doesn't like to think about much less admit to someone else, because of the tremendous pain involved.  It was resolved years ago and let's leave it there.

God had other ideas.  I didn't even question or think twice about sharing this hurt and subsequent healing to another hurting person.  As I did so, I felt a tremendous warmth flood through me and a weight lifting from my life.  Once again, I had faced a fear and realized that God was redeeming "the years that the locust has eaten." 

The subject is not the important part.  The truly important part is being willing to give myself and my doubts and fears over to a God that is able to do "above all we can think or ask."

Sunrise Comes Daily Whether I See It Or Not

Winter days arrive in various forms.  Clouds, rain, snow, ice, fog and brilliantly sunny weather are all a part of winter.  I love them all (especially when I don't have to drive anywhere).  Today's sunrise promises a day of crisp air, sun and blue skies.

Sunrises are few and far between in Oregon during the winter.  This is our wet season (which loosely translated means the sun is not seen for long periods of time!).  Even so, when one is visible, it is a special blessing.

It made me think of the fact that the sun rises every day whether I see it or not.  Like the moon and stars, it is there regularly and pays no attention to whoever cannot see it.  It gets on with the job of lighting the universe.

It also reminds me of the way God works, whether I see Him or not.  He is always there, doing His work, comforting, convicting, teaching, protecting, loving, forgiving and the list continues into eternity.  So, I can take heart that even though I don't sense Him, He is still there, bringing light into darkness.

Pondering : A Pond or a Swamp?

I guess I'm just in a mood to ponder.  I like to think, weigh things (except for myself!!!), mentally dissect what I hear, read or see.  The more I think of the word ponder, the more I think of a pond.  After doing some research on the origin of word, I find it has nothing to do with a body of water, yet I still have an image of a still, small area, capable of being moved by a very small word or thought.

Think of it.  If I doop a pebble into a tiny body of water, a ring starts out very small, yet increases and becomes greater until the entire pond is in motion.  In the same way, I can drop a word or thought into my mind and the same growth will take place as that caused by the pebble in water.

What I drop into the pond of my mind can be good or bad or simply banal.  These ripples will eventually saturate the mind and thoughts and can lead to actions.  Good things will produce growth and edification to myself and they will eventually overflow to others and be a blessing.  Dropping negative thoughts and attitudes can do the same, but the result can be a flood of damage to my own heart and those of others.  Dropping worthless thoughts can lead to boredom, and a stagnation of my mind.

It reminds me that, just as the Bible says to think and say and do things to edify others and myself, I had better ponder if I want a clear, inviting body of water or a swamp in my mind and life.  It's my choice.

Taking Time to Ponder

I love words.  I love everything about words (just not the bad ones).  I play Scrabble with abandon, rejoicing when I learn a new word.  One of my favorite ways of studying the Bible is to do word studies.  Currently, I am dissecting and researching the fruits of the Spirit.

Of course, the first of the fruits is LOVE.  In our culture, the word is truly misused and abused.  What many claim to be love is not what God refers to.  So, I dig.  A verse stood out to me this morning and I decided it was one that I needed to ponder.

John 14:12 (NASB) says: "This is My commandment that you love one another, just as I have loved you."  It sounds pretty straightforward and should be easy to do, right?  Wrong.  Skimming over verses that are familiar can cause me to lose the understanding and joy that comes from deeper thought.

My question to ponder:  What does it mean to "love one another" in the same way that Christ loves me?

While here on earth:

Jesus gave his life for me.  Would I do that for another?

Jesus forgave even His most vile enemies and ones who had sorely mistreated him unfairly.  Can I do that?

Jesus accepted the diseased, the lonely, the disfigured, the outcast.  Do I do that?

Jesus gave up His right to be God so He could make me right before God.  Can I do that?

The list could go on but I will stop for today.  I need to do some pondering.