Am I Too Cautious?

AM I TOO CAUTIOUS?

Crystal J. Ortmann

My morning coffee tastes good – rich, dark and strong. Steam spirals up from the full mug as I revel in the peace and quiet of this early hour.
I love to watch the birds at my feeders. There is a hanging feeder filled with nectar for the hummingbirds. There are also feeders for sparrows, finches and doves. But the one that seems to receive the most attention is filled with peanuts. Crows, jays and squirrels jockey for position and it’s easy to see where the phrase “pecking-order” originated. It’s entertaining to watch.
After a while, I get to know various critters personally. I admit, I talk to them and even name some, such as “Ted,” the House Sparrow, and “Bubba,” the Crow. I recognize them by their looks but also by their personalities.
Crows and jays are by nature noisy, quarrelsome birds. Although they are all afraid of the squirrel, they fight with each other on a regular basis. As soon as the peanuts arrive at the feeder, the show begins.
The adult birds are, for the most part, confident and even pushy. They know their way around the feeders and water dish. The fledglings are pretty much grown by now, although a number of them still want the parent to feed them. They are also less sure of themselves than are the adults. Each surveys the surroundings carefully and then tries to emulate the parents. However, there are two birds that have real difficulty making a decision and acting on it.
One of the almost-grown crows visits often. He walks up the railing and nears the feeder. He looks up, down, around, and then shuffles his feet a little. He walks forward, then looks like he is about to jump at the feeder. Suddenly, he starts walking backwards and stands there longing for the peanuts, but he is too afraid to pass the water dish, which stands between him and the feeder. The whole process starts again . . . and again . . . and again.
I frantically urge him onward. He looks each direction multiple times for enemies. He could eat twenty peanuts in the time it takes him to make up his mind. He starts out again and finally gets the courage to fly at the feeder, but then he falls off. Now he’s really in a tizzy and I’m nearly wild with frustration on his behalf.
“Will you just go up to that feeder and get a peanut!” I almost shout at him. Just as he decides he’ll go for it again, another bird swoops in and takes the peanut. I can’t believe it as I dance in agony, hoping he will soon make a decision.
A Steller ’s jay is also a regular visitor to our feeders, but it takes him forever to make a choice about which and how many peanuts to take. He studies and sorts the peanuts, trying to fit the most and the biggest into his beak. He picks one up and lays it down. Very often, another bird dives down and helps himself and the jay ends up with nothing. This process goes on for what seems like years.

Somehow, these two remind me of myself. Life is painful at times. I get flown at and pecked. I get hurt by my own kind. Someone takes what I want because I delayed too long, trying to check it all out and choose the biggest and best.
I don’t always have the self-confidence to step forward and have encountered obstacles that block me from my desire. God does want me to be cautious, just not so hesitant I can’t function. I need to look for dangers and be wise. However, if I wait too long, or can’t make a decision, I may just lose out.